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Thursday, December 31, 2015

Mommy Resolves

Mommy's 2016 resolutions 

1. More patience. Mommy will remember that  little developing brains have alarmingly egocentric tendencies and those attention spans last about the time it takes to flush the toilet (unless in the act of actually flushing the toilet, which can provide whole minutes of wide-eyed entertainment). She will keep these things in mind when her day has been spent running around like a lunatic before and during work to get home just in time to bare witness to the witching hour when the wrong color sippy cup can ignite Oscar-worthy meltdowns. She will take her own advice and breathe deeply before she hears herself spouting parenting cliches ('because I said so' and 'keep your hands to yourself') at a volume that easily reaches the neighbor's house, five octaves higher than her normal pitch. 

2. Less social media. Don't get too excited. There will still be a nauseating number of posts, oversharing the glorious madness we've created. Mommy just promises to spend less time with her face behind articles about what the Saved By the Bell cast is up to these days or fuming over a pile of idiot-comments stacking up under an article about gun violence or women's reproductive rights. And she will absolutely, under NO circumstances watch even part of one more video featuring the Nae Nae. 

3. More asking for/accepting help. Thanks to sharing a roof with a 2-year-old who thinks he's completely capable of independently handling all aspects of his self-care needs (including making an egg breakfast, pouring a glass of milk, and fastening his 5 point harness), Mommy has now witnessed the pathetic futility of a person insisting on completing a task that's simply outside of their abilities or unnecessarily difficult. It took over three decades, but she's finally realizing that asking for help or accepting it doesn't mean she's lazy or incapable; and dashing between five household tasks while trying to complete an online continuing education class and keep three kids alive doesn't necessarily make her look like a brainiac. Quite the opposite in fact. Watching that 2-year-old thrash wildly around under his seatbelt screaming 'I CAN DO IT!!' sometimes hits a little too close to home for this mommy and while that Apple may not have landed particularly far from the tree, doesn't mean that the tree can't decide to flip over a new leaf in honor of a new year.

4. More time with daddy. Mommy loves her boys beyond what words can describe, and that's why she thinks it's important to keep things running smoothly with daddy. There's just no chance in hell that she could keep it together without him. Also, she'd like to give her boys their best shot at eventually forming healthy, meaningful relationships with their partners, and she's told that they're watching their parents closely and those spongy little brains are constantly filing information away. Finally, in all fairness, he provides stimulating conversation, even occasionally reaching for topics more sophisticated than stinky shoes and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. It's a refreshing change. 

5. Less hurry, more savor. There's just so much hurry in Mommy's life, she's starting to wonder how much she's missing out on while she's busy shifting in and out of warp speed. This year, mommy promises to pump the breaks a bit and admire the passing scenery before it's all hidden behind bedroom doors, glued to some future version of an iPhone or Xbox, silently resenting her. 

6. Less Netflix, more blogging. As much as Mommy feels the draw of binge-watching all 7 seasons of 30 Rock (for the third time), it occurs to her that writing about her life makes her more acutely in tune with it. She suddenly puts on her 'looking-eyes' with more enthusiasm while seeking out the beauty and humor that comes along with parenting her boys. 

And naturally, mommy also plans to eat better and sleep through fewer workouts...maybe even floss more.  But, let's not get too carried away. 

Now let's break open the champagne and drop that ball. Happy New Year team. Resolutions, out. 

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