Old News: Past Blog Posts

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Things I said to my Two Year Old Today

Excuse me, sir? We have a policy against eating floor carrots in this house.

Um, please don't pull mommy's pants down, it makes her booty feel cold.

I think two bananas is probably enough for one night.  

Why don't you help mommy feed the puppies?

Oh, okay.  I'll hold your screw driver.

Well.  Yeah, alright.  I guess the dogs can eat from the floor tonight.  I suppose our floor food policy doesn't apply to canines.

Let's maybe not take a bite out of the foam soccer ball.

Maybe you really needed that third banana. 

Hey you! Please step down from the second shelf, that plastic container is disinfectant wipes...not puffs.

Well!  Look how strong you are! However, I'm a little concerned that you might drop that Bumpo seat on your brother if you're not careful.

Don't you think you're butt might be a little too big for that bumpo seat?

The baby doesn't have teeth so kindly refrain from feeding him grapes.

Okay, so I stand corrected and your big ol' booty *does* fit in the bumpo...now may I ask, do you have an exit strategy?

I sure am happy to see you are concerned about baby brother, but do you honestly believe sticking your fingers in his ear will stop the crying? 

Maybe he's sad because you stole his Bumpo?

Oh *shit* that's dinner burning.

Don't repeat that.

(Quieter, while running for the kitchen) shit, shit, shit.

Let's pick out a book for bedtime.  So you can hear some words that aren't so offensive.

Oh sure, I'd love to read 'Wocket in my Pocket' again.

...again?

...really, again? 

...seriously? 

Hey you.  Yeah you...with the banana obsession, goofy grin, and apparently insatiable love of Dr Seuss...

...you and your fearless little brother who loves to be underfoot...

...I love on you.  I do, I do. 
I do, I do, I love on you!    

Me: (laughing aloud) You guys are too funny.
Big Guy: (waving his index fingers at me) TWO TWO!!

1 comment:

  1. I have found that those "favorite" books occasionally slide under the couch and are "lost" for awhile.

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