Old News: Past Blog Posts

Monday, December 23, 2013

The evolution of the Christmas Shopping List


AGE 5:  
Dump glitter and glue on a piece of construction paper, call it art and excitedly hand it to mom and dad on the last day of Kindergarten before Christmas break.

AGE 10:
Participate in mass holiday ornament crafting task (probably also involving glitter) and distribute to parents, grandparents, siblings, Aunts, Uncles, and cousins.  Feel like a total Christmas hero.

AGE 15:  
Withdraw 40 bucks from the checking account you opened last summer with your lifeguarding money.  Buy six presents for your closest friends at the mall then beg your parents for 40 more dollars because you forgot to buy stuff for your family too.  

AGE 20:  
Arrive at your parent's house after your last final and sleep until 2pm each day, complaining that finals week was exhausting---but not too tiring to spend the hours between 10pm and 3am drinking at some crappy apartment with your high school friends.  Make a mad dash to the mall on December 24th to spend what's left of this semester's student loan money on presents for your immediate family only.  

AGE 25:  
Feeling totally flush and buzzed off a full time professional gig, spend the week before Christmas zipping around town, buying gifts for friends, family, and the dog.  Ignore the fact that roughly 50 percent of each paycheck is split between taxes and student loan repayments (remember those gifts and all that beer you were buying 5 years ago?)

AGE 30:  
Start budgeting for Christmas gifts in January because your husband 'knows how you are' then start making the Christmas list in November (reason: see above).  Spend the six weeks leading up to Christmas combing the Internet for gifts to cover the following people (because who has time for the mall with two kids and a full time job?): your kids, your parents, your husband's parents, your husband's siblings and their spouses, your siblings and their spouses, your babysitter, your babysitter's kids, your sister-in-law's parents (because they always buy you and the kids stuff), your cousins, your aunts and uncles, your housekeeper, your neighbors who are constantly bailing you out in a childcare pinch, and the dogs...Nope. Screw the dogs, they can just have access to their favorite chewable toddler toy without consequence for Christmas.  Merry Christmas, Spot.




And a very Merry Christmas to you, dear reader.  May the holiday be filled with presents, but more importantly...with love.  


 


No comments:

Post a Comment