(Look closely, there's a baby in there)
There is perspective: Very abruptly, worrying about who said what to whom and why seems enormously unimportant and even laughable. It takes energy to be angry and insecure and that energy is far better spent elsewhere.
There is fear: Because life is so stinking fragile. Especially life supported by such tiny little parts.
There is gratitude: For modern medicine, for the overwhelming support of family, friends, and even strangers, and for a husband with a sense of humor, a sense of responsibility, and excellent health insurance.
There is faith: In God, or science, or both. Because without faith in something, there is no foundation for strength. And without strength, there is only me falling to pieces in a corner...and no one needs that.
There is anxiety: Because the answer to every question is, 'we don't know for sure' or 'we'll just have to wait and see'. And because I can't do anything but sit and wait and not fall to pieces.
There is sadness: For my baby and for all the other mommies and daddies and babies who are anything but happy and healthy.
There is coffee: Because sleeping more than 60-90 minutes at a time is something I only vaguely remember.
There is love: It's a love that makes my heart race and feel melty and achy all at once. It's a love I never knew until I was a mom and one that grows with my babies.
There is hope: Because even though my baby looks like he should be on display at a 7th grade science fair, all those crazy leads have been bringing us good news and I dare to believe that the good news will persist and soon enough, we will be home.