Why I cried.

We got our discharge orders.

I called my husband.

I went down to the hospital cafeteria.

I sat down.

And I started crying.

Why?

-My new mom hormones crave a good cry, like 100% of the time.

-For all the women whose babies  were born as angels and left the hospital alone.

-Because I'm tired and anxious.

-Because I'm not ready.

-Because I can't wait.  

-For my parents who give me nothing but unconditional love and support and I somehow keep acting like an ungrateful 14-year-old.

-Because the doctors and nurses have been so full of kindness, compassion, and comfort and I don't know how I could ever thank them for that.

-For my sons who will never know how beautiful they are in my eyes. 

-Because I know my boys will someday treat me poorly (they will eventually become teenagers, right?) and I will love them anyways. 

-Because the hospital photographer set my little one's pictures up on a slideshow with sappy music and quotes (that sneaky bitch!)

-Because I don't know what I'm doing.

-Because I just don't have enough space for all these heavy emotions and maybe tears will free up some room for something else.