Whilst FaceTiming with my in-laws who had graciously agreed to watch our rug-ratty #1 overnight, I was told something shocking, 'mommy looks so beautiful!'
Bear in mind, I had already given birth to yet a-nother 31-weeker earlier in the day, so the shock value bar was set pretty high yesterday. However, I had spent five days in bed, not showered in three, spent almost six hours in a narcotic/epidural-free labor, delivered a 4lb baby au natural, and haven't seen the business end of a tube of mascara in probably four months. Still, my darling MIL is not known for blowing smoke up one's rear (will regularly point out when I - legitimately - look 'tired') just for the hell of it. I have to assume there was *something' that prompted the comment. Then I glanced at myself in the small window on the screen beneath my grinning toddler and saw the most enormous smile on my face I have ever seen.
It may have boarded on 'creepy joker' big, like something was definitely up. If in 16 years, one of my teenagers ever come home with that smile I will immediately suspect drug usage and promptly order a search and seizure of all involved bedrooms and cars.
(Yup, gonna be that kinda mom...right?)
The point is, I was grinning like a fool because despite all the shock and pain (oh Lordy, the pain!) and frustration of the day, I am a mommy again.
It's a role I wasn't sure I'd be good at (still not..at all) or even one I had felt was necessary in my life. But as it turns out, it makes me happy. Creepy enormous smile happy.